Poem From Eightfold: Wonderland

A. Hannah Spadafora
3 days ago
2 min read

Wonderland

2:31

Poem From Eightfold: Wonderland

I have dived down the rabbit hole

Chasing the elusive hare,

Forever late for meeting myself

Caught in lost presence—

Fixated and unaware.

I’ve fallen into a void of nothing,

Grasping at, for, everything—

Finding bits and pieces,

Within the barren vacancy—

Cherishing and clenching

Whatever my hands could hit.

I have dined with the mad

Around warm tables with fuzzy tea

Sharing visionary and lucid dreams—

Swept out of my right mind,

And anesthetized off my grounded feet.

I’ve crawled through the darkness,

Desiring light from emptiness—

Suddenly overtaken

Shuddering with hostility

Heavily breathing

Watching church services

Through binoculars.

I’ve hopped across landscapes

Of connections and homes

Both those unsuitable

And those that felt meant to be—

Taking what I could find,

In a world of instability

And seeking any sliver,

Of comfort and durability.

I have grown beyond measure

Expanding my vantage point

To see the whole picture

In ways missed before

As well as shrank down

Miniaturized to a tiny scale

Fidgeting on a spreadsheet,

Overwhelmed and insecure

About ten thousand or more

Obsessive minute details.

I have strolled with unsure footing

Across ground that trembled and quaked

Requiring my legs to find new stability

And causing my body to reverberate.

I have stared at forsaken horizons

Long following the land we lost

Until I realized

An ocean now divided us

And a present life was the cost.

I have run from self-proclaimed royalty

Painting paths and roses red

Panicked, paying tribute to evade cruelty

Until gratefully waking from the strangest dreams

With a book on my chest, half-read.

But after all of this

I have also sat

With clarity and pose

Unimpeded by the mind’s tricks,

It’s clever distractions,

Controlling hyperfixations,

Pleasing imitations,

Misleading headtrips,

Addicting habits,

And the drive to chase rabbits.

And I have, at times,

Tried to live

On and off the mat,

Breathing and present.

Eightfold: Zen Poetry for Blindly Clasping Beings - Poetry book by A. H. Spadafora, out now

Eightfold: Zen Poetry for Blindly Clasping Beings is a collection of sixty poems that reflect the author’s continual conversation with secular Buddhist thought on human nature, the struggles of existence, and the self-made and human-crafted challenges of modern life. These poems center on a layperson’s striving to find presence in the world, offering contemporary perspectives on Buddhist philosophy, Zen meditation, and traditional stories, koans, and teachings.

Now available as e-book, audiobook, and paperback at zen-chaos.net/zcw-bookstore plus additional formats at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Google Play, Apple Books, Lulu, and Kobo.

A. H. Spadafora is an author, freelancer, animal lover, and booknerd who lives in the Atlanta area with underused degrees and borrowed cats. She is currently working on multiple manuscripts and juggling gig work while seeking out the right full-time opportunity. Writing has remained the one constant throughout her life—a passion that has shaped her journey alongside the search for survival, purpose, and the chance to do good in the world. Published works include her debut poetry collection, Moments of Peace (2013) and her latest work, Eightfold. She is also the founder of Zen Chaos Writing, offering freelance services, books, and merchandise.