Poem from Eightfold: Presence

A. Hannah Spadafora
3 days ago
2 min read

Presence

2:28

One evening on my porch

In August 2020—

After a day of dodging stressful calls,

During a week, month, and year

That I have very much panicked

And sobbed my way through,

A mechanic algorithm

Shifts joyful immersion

In celebratory songs

To mournful ballads

Stealing cultivated lightness of being

And souring goodness of mood

With suggested songs

That tug on the corners

Of my angst

But still,

I stay locked in

Because I crave it

Until

In the midst of melodic wailing

My emotional shield of sound

Blotting out the world

Shatters

As my battery fails,

All music stops

Positive and negative

Stories and moods

Across the spectrum

All cease

Devastated,

My mind reels back and forth.

Desperately,

It strives to recreate echoes

Reverberating in my ears

From an evening drunk upon

Rhythm and vibration—

But—then—

Drops of water

Splash upon my skin

As clouds above darken,

Rolling in

And I am no longer

Off in another land,

Being led by another voice

To events outside my immediate reach.

Now, instead,

I am drinking in

With full awareness

The hunter-lavender spectrum

Tinting the leaves

Of deeply shadowed trees—

Stark against an electric blue sky

Brightening further

As the distance from the storm shrinks.

My neck tilts

As I crane towards

The squawks, chirps, and hoots of birds

And cringe slightly

At grating cicada screams,

Feeling the weight of my body

Sitting upon the weight of the chair

Weighing on the boards

Under my feet.

As I leave my reveries,

Entering my body, full presence.

Expanding my mind into boundless consciousness.

And bringing awareness to nature’s immediacy

For a second,

I am not

A discontent, thirsting, craving,

Desiring body of want—

Nor a set of defined flaws, worries

And preoccupying judgments

About myself

And the world—

Not a lost human being,

Caught in confusion, memory,

Imagined futures, or fantasy.

But I am just here,

Simply—

Unintentionally—

Mercifully—

Zen.

Eightfold: Zen Poetry for Blindly Clasping Beings - Poetry book by A. H. Spadafora, out now

Eightfold: Zen Poetry for Blindly Clasping Beings is a collection of sixty poems that reflect the author’s continual conversation with secular Buddhist thought on human nature, the struggles of existence, and the self-made and human-crafted challenges of modern life. These poems center on a layperson’s striving to find presence in the world, offering contemporary perspectives on Buddhist philosophy, Zen meditation, and traditional stories, koans, and teachings.

Now available as e-book, audiobook, and paperback at zen-chaos.net/zcw-bookstore plus additional formats at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Google Play, Apple Books, Lulu, and Kobo.

A. H. Spadafora is an author, freelancer, animal lover, and booknerd who lives in the Atlanta area with underused degrees and borrowed cats. She is currently working on multiple manuscripts and juggling gig work while seeking out the right full-time opportunity. Writing has remained the one constant throughout her life—a passion that has shaped her journey alongside the search for survival, purpose, and the chance to do good in the world. Published works include her debut poetry collection, Moments of Peace (2013) and her latest work, Eightfold. She is also the founder of Zen Chaos Writing, offering freelance services, books, and merchandise.